17 March 2009

st. stomach's day.

do you ever wish that maybe you didn't have such an agreeable appetite? that maybe that loving mother of yours had not instilled in you the value of eating whatever is put in front of you? for example, it might sometimes be helpful to not really find everything appealing. and by everything i mean the samosas, the chicken fingers, the french fries, and the blue moon. not everyone is adventurous with food. but you, you are indiscriminating. you'll try anything at least once! you will take what others turn down! oh, yes. and you will regret it.
you will also regret the decision to follow your happy hour experience with a trip to the gym (after all, you picked the pub that is next door to the y for exactly this convenient reason!), where you will bounce up and down for thirty minutes and consume copious amounts of water--brilliant!
and of course, after all this, you must get yourself home. how convenient (the theme of the evening) that you chose today as your inaugural bike riding day of the season! there is nothing like a two-mile bike ride in the chilly minnesota night, that's for sure (these are the experiences that, if she read your blog, would make your dear mother shudder with fear for you). about halfway home, you realize that stopping is not an option. somehow the inertia of pedaling keeps all the food inside you. you contemplate which would be worse: barfing on a random street corner, or on the steps of your own house. you imagine what it would be like to throw up while in motion. would it throw you off balance and cause you to crash? would you be able to strategically miss yourself and your bike in the process?
thankfully, you make it home without any actual vomiting (it's a miracle!) and recover slowly on the couch. you swear this is not happening again.
you resolve to be more picky next time. and to follow your pickiness with something besides a trip to the gym, no matter how convenient it may be.


  1. You wrote it so well! Sorry you were visited by st. stomach today.

  2. that. was. awesome. especially when i read it while recalling your text last night.

  3. Oh man! I laughed out loud in my apartment reading this . . . even though I was all by myself. A sign of true hilariousness.

  4. I read it. I'm shuddering. And I'm proud of your ability to express yourself so articulately.