i am feeling really quiet tonight. it's late, and our beautiful new house is mostly dark, and very clean after hosting a party. and quiet. i think i feel quiet because i have to talk about something i have had a feeling was coming for a few days now: i am not ready to open my shop yet. as in, really not ready. yes, i could list a few things, but i did that before and it really didn't feel great. i want it to be coherent and real and substantial.
having said that, i feel i need explain myself. this is not some sort of subconscious "i'm afraid of actually doing this, so i'm looking for an excuse to put it off". that is not it. i am not a perfectionist, and i am anticipating this to be a slow-growing, organic sort of project, so it really is not my need for perfection that is stopping me. i am so emotionally and mentally ready to do this, to take this risk, i can hardly stand it. i have felt lately so much positive momentum moving me forward, i get giddy just thinking about it. this just, apparently, is not exactly the right moment.
and i am okay with that.
which, at this point, is all that matters, i think. i am usually very hard on myself, but really, there is no reason to flog myself over this. i have had a lot of most-nighters lately, and i am running very low on energy. i am working on a big project that needs to finish up this week and is giving me no end of technical difficulties. the transition of moving has been long and kind of hard, but it has been good. the transition of quitting my job is another really big change that is not without its difficulties. to be honest, the only thing that really disappoints me is that i said something that i couldn't follow through on. not following through is one of my biggest pet peeves (the phrase 'pet peeve' is high on the list, too). but even to that, i have nothing to say. perhaps i am just too tired right now (i do not, let's face it, have the energy to put together the selection of wolf-themed pictures to go with this post, as i feel like the girl who cried wolf. i had lots of material for that, but. . . .)
anyway, i am going to take a few days to get my wits about me, maybe get some sleep. i'm going to finish the aforementioned project, and go from there. i haven't quite figured out when a good revised opening date would be, but the news will be here when i figure it out.
that's all. i might be a little quiet on here for a bit. i'm not sure yet, but a break might be a good thing.